We shared this one when he turned nine. He’s sixteen today. Someone make time stand still.
It’s still one of our faves. Hope you enjoy.
Today, at 12:08 p.m. you take your ninth trip around the sun.
When all 7 lbs and 13 oz. arrived in the world at 20.5 inches long, I’d thought that you were a girl. I was certain of it. Looking back now, I have no idea why. But you were our little surprise, so we kept you that way until the last possible moment- the moment you were born.
It was your father who won the bet. And when I pushed and pushed and pushed, and you finally arrived, the doctor announced that your daddy had in fact, been correct, and I was wrong. I was too tired to do anything but collapse into the bed and laugh a little.
If anyone’s wondering what it’s like to be married to an enneagram 7, this pretty much captures it.
It was that previous November when I thought I might have the flu. We were still up at night with your nine-month-old sister, and a just-turned-three-year-old brother who had no idea he was also supposed to be sleeping. I’m pretty sure that the day we took the test to see if a baby might be in my belly, your sister was eating dog food on the floor, and your brother was running around naked. I laughed and cried as I slammed the test down on the counter, and your father proclaimed that he didn’t want to know until “after Thanksgiving.”
We had our hands full in the most wonderfully overwhelming of ways. That next baby was you. And you were born in July.
But you are by far the very sweetest surprise ever. We know now that our lives were simply incomplete without you.
So you carry both your great-grandfather’s name and my maiden name: Benjamin Malone Mills. It doesn’t help, though, that Benjamin also literally means “Son of” Jamin. So your dad had a really good time holding you up a la the Lion King in the hospital and proclaiming to everyone that you were, in fact, his son.
We had a little fun the third time around.
I’m pretty sure we haven’t stopped since. Those baby blues really have rocked our world.
But you’re nine.
You’re halfway there. Until you technically move out. Until you’re braving this world “on your own”.
We wrote one for your older brother, and then your sister, and now it’s your turn.
Here are a few things we hope to teach you in the short time we have with you, under our wing.
• Life is unpredictable, messy, and hard. Embrace all of it, because it’s the bad and the good that make you who you are.
• Always remember, you can talk to us. The conversation and our hearts are always open. There’s nothing we want more. We are a safe place.
• It’s totally okay to cry. You’ve always been our sensitive one, and we love that about you. It means that you have feelings and that you care. It does not make you weak. It makes you empathetic and intelligent, on a different level.
• Compassion is a strength. Not a weakness. While the world will tell you to look out for yourself, no matter who gets hurt, don’t lose sight of what makes you, you. We pray you keep that compassion, always. It makes you strong in a very weak world.
• Every life has value and a purpose. Find the unique beauty in everyone and everything. Life is boring when lived with the mundane belief that others can’t be inspired to reach beyond their comfort zones.
• Laugh at yourself. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Our time here is too short. Keep that priceless sense of humor, and let people see it. You’re one of the funniest kids we know and we think you should always embrace {and use} that.
• Always hold the door. Just like you do now. Just like you always have. And while you’re at it, greet them with a smile too.
• A little patience goes a long way and will save you from foolish choices. So many foolish choices.
• One of the most incredible superpowers you can possess is hard work. It’s something lost on many, to the disease of entitlement. So don’t wait for it to happen. Go for it. Dig in. Never give up.
• Friendships aren’t always about seeing perfectly, eye to eye. Compromise, the good kind, is a fine art. Learn and grow with others. You won’t regret it.
• Always take the time to say thank you.
• Be a good friend. Always be a good friend. 
• You may not always get along with your brother and sister, and that’s okay. They will be annoying, and you will annoy them, even as adults. We won’t expect you to always get along, because you’re not perfect. They have already taught you so much that you will carry with you the rest of your life. At the end of the day, they are a priceless gift. So remember to love them, even when you don’t always like them very much.
• Be okay with crying. It reminds you that you’re human.
• Strive to stay humble. Bragging is kind of obnoxious, and braggers aren’t someone you want to be around very much. Humble braggers, either.
• Be an encourager to others. It’s an important job that people forget.
• Here’s a secret: It doesn’t really matter if you ‘excel’ in school, or get super fabulous grades. What matters is that you work your absolute hardest and try your very best. Never stop learning, no matter what. Because your education and learning will never stop, and often happens best outside the halls of academia. Don’t underestimate the value of constantly learning new things. Or the value of being self-taught. Seek out knowledge and learn it as a life habit.
• Find your passion and don’t let go. We support you one hundred and ten percent, no matter what that passion looks like. That, and hard work, will take you places. That being said, a lot of emphasis can actually be put on the word “passion” – a lot of adults are still looking for that… so don’t let that limit you, either. Don’t be afraid to explore your interests.
• You won’t be good at everything. You may stumble a lot until you find that delicate combination of your God-given talents and that heart to pursue them. But when you find it, grab hold with everything you’ve got.
• Learn to cook. We know one of your very favorite hobbies is eating ;} and we hope you always love food. We can’t wait to show you how to cook. Your stomach and your future spouse will adore you for it.
• Guilt is cheap and easy to come by. People use it liberally. They’ll put it in context via various ways to suit their own needs based on their interpretations or wishes for you in the moment. Be very wary of this technique. Investigate for yourself. Live by your own convictions, not someone else’s small-sighted manipulations or expectations. Guilt can be exhausting if you give in to its negative energy. Don’t be a people pleaser just because someone is skilled in the fine art of manipulation. Call it what it is, and stand firm in your beliefs.
• Grace is rare. We need more grace and less guilt. We need to extend that grace to others when it can be easy to judge. Always forgive. Even when it’s hard. Life is too short to get caught up in trivial, petty things.
• Being offended by everything is absolutely exhausting and not worth your energy. It’s also a rampant thing these days. Because someone claims that “they’re offended” doesn’t grant them any special rights, nor does it change anything. It just means they disagree and they {probably} take life a tad too seriously. This usually correlates directly with the guilt element when it comes to interactions. There are far more productive things on which to spend your time. Simply be offended that they’re offended, and carry on. Life is too short to act this way or to keep those people in your circle of influence.
• Everyone has their own set of baggage and insecurities. Their own parents made mistakes, {just like we have} but they were probably doing the best they could with the tools they had. It’s hard. Life is hard for everyone. Remember that when you’re frustrated.
• Always say thank you. Always be grateful for what you have. Remember that what you have in the moment is probably something you only hoped for not that long ago. Don’t take life’s simple gifts for granted.
• Stay present as best as you possibly can. Sometimes the best moments in life are in the little things right in front of us. In deeper conversations. In those a-ha moments. In sweet hugs. In great meals. In a smile that can light up your world. We get caught up looking for the big moments in life. Those are great, too. Just don’t miss the little ones.
• Be kind. When you don’t want to be kind… strive to be. Always look for the person who’s left out. Being kind is rare. It keeps you real and humble. It makes you relatable and empathetic. Too many times, we just really miss the boat on that one because we become so absorbed in ourselves.
• Which brings me to, if you’re ever feeling insecure, remember people are actually so wrapped up in themselves, they probably aren’t even paying attention to you. Slough off those negative thoughts and remember, you’re amazing.
• Don’t allow room for regret in your life. Mistakes and failures happen, and are an education. An education is never wasted. Nothing grand was ever achieved without failure. Embrace your failure. It means you’re growing.
• Pick up the check on a date. But we know that the way things are going, that’s not always so easy. Creativity can go a long way in the dating world, so that not everything comes down to money, too.
• You are the sweetest. You always will be. You always look out for everyone and go with the flow. You’re just accustomed to being a laid-back part of our pack. But it’s also okay to stand up for yourself. In fact, it’s imperative that you do. We live in a world where it’s good to be kind, but not to your own detriment. Don’t ever dismiss something that makes you uncomfortable. In a world of dishonest people and people who are out to hurt you, this can be confusing. If something doesn’t feel right, always speak up. If something makes you hesitate, listen to that instinct. Never be afraid of going against the norm or the socially ‘expected’. Stand up for yourself and fight back. Have confidence in your own feelings. It’s so important. It could even save your life.
• Being a man isn’t defined by athletic ability or the size of your muscles, but by the size of your heart.
• Don’t take life so seriously. It’s hard enough as it is. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.
• Always have a pet. Preferably a rescue dog because we’re biased. Or two. They’ll shed and chew and make a mess and probably poop on your carpet at some point. They’ll help you remember that maybe a house isn’t more important than a life. And they teach us more than we can imagine about life itself. About the things that are important. They’re the best therapy around.
• Boundaries are okay. More than okay. Even with family. Okay fine. Especially with family.
• Collect books. Real live, paper-bound, hard-bound, vintage, and new books. The printed form is becoming a lost art. You have a love for reading we hope it stays with you. If it doesn’t, we hope it comes back. Books are one lifetime investment you won’t regret keeping with you.
• Don’t allow a person, place, or collection of events to make you bitter. That’s in your power, even if it’s a struggle. Shake the dust off your feet and move on. Trust us on this one.
• Acts of service for others is something that is lost on our culture today. Doing things for others, expecting nothing in return, will be just as good for you as it is for the other person. This is a love language of yours. Use this in your life regularly, and you’ll have a fuller life because of it.
• Don’t overshare on social media. Or become overly opinionated on subjects that don’t really concern you, because you can hide behind a computer screen. It’s a rampant disease. Maybe social media will be called something else by the time you’re old enough… but keep it as your mantra. It’s also not worth the energy.
• Take out the garbage before it’s too late and your space is stinky.
• This is also true in life and relationships. Some relationships can be toxic.
• Some friendships come to an end, and if they do, it doesn’t necessarily mean anything bad. Sometimes, it just means you grew apart. Some friendships come back, and that can be a good thing, too.
• Don’t judge others. We don’t know where they came from. Or what they’ve been through. So just don’t. It’s wasted time and energy.
• No one else is responsible for your actions. They’re your choices. It’s only 1% what others do to you and 99% how you react. So own up to them. You’ll be better for it.
• Honesty is a rarity. Stay genuine and authentic. Seek out other authentic people, as well… and surround yourself with them.
• Always ALWAYS wear your seatbelt.
• Keep your apologies simple and genuine. No excuses.
• Not everyone will like you. It’s impossible to please everyone. Be okay with that. You’ll save yourself a lot of wasted energy.
• No one can make you feel like you’re not enough, measuring up, or lacking, without your permission. Remember that when you’re dealing with difficult people. You’re in control of your feelings, and that’s it.
• You can be absolutely anything that you want to be. They say not to tell your children this, that it sets them up for unrealistic expectations. We say there are way too many parenting ‘experts’ out there. We believe that passions can meet hard work and that you’ll figure it out and pursue whatever it is that you love. You may stumble a lot until you find that amazing combination of God-given talents and the heart to pursue them. President, dad, doctor, designer, engineer… You name it, sweet boy, and chase after it with all your heart. You can’t go wrong.
• Friendships. They happen in a moment when you both say, Me too! They can be found in unexpected places and can last for a lifetime. Cherish those few and far between lifetime-lasting relationships. It can be hard, in our culture, for males to bond, and it’s important to seek out those relationships.
• The world is bigger than where you live. And your worldview should be, too. Don’t stay in one place your entire life. Get out and experience the world. Soak up other cultures. Embrace the good in them. There’s so much to learn in so little time… and so many perspectives. It’s silly to think ours is the only one.
• The world is also very temporary. So remember that, too.
• Learn the value of being content. The grass is only greener on the other side because you aren’t responsible for cutting the grass, or scooping the poop. It can be hard to stay in the present moment the older you become. One day you will look back and wonder where all the time went. It only seems to speed up. Try to embrace where you are, when you are.
• They say you can’t come home again. It’s true that things change because they need to. But the heart of who you are will always be here with us. You’ll always have our support and unconditional love, no matter what.
Never forget that.
We love you so much, sweet boy. Happy birthday.
And even if we’re “halfway there”, we look forward to the rest of our time here, and cherish it with a deep gratitude, every day.
Looking forward to watching you for sixty more. ;}
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