When our children each turned nine, we wrote them a special post titled “Halfway There: To {Aiden, Emerson, Malone} at nine.” It was to roughly commemorate each child’s “halfway point”, a little on the sentimental side. Those posts were filled with essential life notes and guidance we truly hope they carry with them, still ringing true. We blinked, and our second child turns eighteen in January. Unlike me as a child, our kids were never in a rush to grow up. I can’t decide if we made childhood so fabulous for them that they didn’t want to leave, or if we, as adults, created said anxiety by being so perpetually exhausted that they dreaded it. Maybe both. I mean, I am kind of a hot mess. My point? On Saturday, I celebrated a birthday of my own, as one tends to do. I am now officially well over the hill. Like, tumbling down the other side a-la Princess Bride. 

I was a little wound up in a meeting with my therapist last week. I couldn’t tell if it was the caffeine or just a general resentment over this time of year. It didn’t help that I decided to make nine stained-glass Christmas trees on top of my regular workload, and no, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He said exasperation is pretty common this time of year, amongst other things. ‘Tis the season and stuff. Then I confessed that I had an upcoming birthday on Saturday, and he replied with, “Ah, there it is.” I’ve always carried dread about yet another year having passed me by. I think it’s a mix of generalized nostalgia and disdain for how quickly time passes. Maybe a dash of things not going quite as I’d planned. These last few years, as our children have begun leaving the nest, it has hit even harder. Enter stage left: a touch of midlife crisis. 

I’ve seen a lot of posts where people have declared what they would tell themselves if they could go back. If they could hop in that DeLorean and give their younger selves invaluable pointers on what not to miss. While I certainly would have done a few things differently, I’m not sure much would change. There are a few pivotal moments. For instance, one really specific one is that at fifteen on a trip to London, you’ll see a great pair of shoes so ridiculous that you absolutely must have them. In your freshman year of college, you’ll attend a retro Christmas party. Wear them. They’ll MC “Let’s Make a Deal,” and call everyone wearing platforms to the front. Somehow, you win. Choose door number 3. You’re about to win a date with your future husband, in drag. He’s about to literally sweep you off your feet. Shenanigans ensue. You won’t realize what’s happening in this cinderella moment until much later. Just enjoy the moment.

Because this is it. 

Actual shoes. And yes, I still have them. 

Other advice I would give includes “Enjoy that metabolism and energy while you have it”, alongside “Stop caring what other people think because it’s draining your life force and holding you back…” Other than that, I’m well over what most consider midlife, and I think I’d rather focus on what I want to tell myself for the second act.

Because this is it.

Halfway There: Things I Want to Tell Myself {Now that I’m Well Over the Hill.}

1. Appreciate What You Have, While You Have It.
I spied a meme that said something like, One day, the 98-year-old you will look back and wonder why you didn’t embrace what you had while you did. What would you do now if you were given a second chance? So celebrate each day as if you’ve just woken up after being 98. This year’s birthday was peaceful, with a pajama day and a big family breakfast, since all the kids are at home. These moments are fleeting; the core of what life is about. I choose to focus on being present. I couldn’t ask for more. It was a chance to stop and be grateful, in a peaceful celebration of another trip around the sun, to just be. Each day is a gift. Life will always change, pivot, and throw curveballs. Health and time are the real luxuries in life. Basically, listen to the 98-year-old version of yourself. Seize the moment. Appreciate what you have, while you have it. 

2. Be Kind to Yourself.
In speaking with my doctor recently, I was bemoaning a slew of perimenopause issues. These last two years, I saw an uptick in major physical symptoms, along with an onslaught of panic attacks. I’ve really been struggling, and finally found someone who can help me at the root of the issue. I mentioned something about the scale climbing and weight gain, and when she stopped and looked at me, she said, “Be kind to yourself.” She barely knows me. But she knew enough when she saw a tired, exasperated woman sitting across from her to say that much. I don’t give myself much grace, if any at all. Our culture, in general, isn’t kind, and because of that, amongst many other reasons, I’ve often wrestled with that inner voice. I want to spend the next half of my life being kind to myself. Which brings me to… 

3. Stop With the People Pleasing. 
Stop navigating life by overthinking and people pleasing. It’s a form of self-preservation, and you no longer have to read the room constantly, because you’re not responsible for managing other people’s feelings. Stop and read it again. Listening to the opinions of pearl clutchers won’t get you anywhere in life, because they’re just that. Opinions. Of pearl clutchers. And I’ll tell you a little secret: those people are absolutely exhausted. I can definitely feel the shackles of life habits begin to loosen. But also? I’m still working on it. Some people never move past that, and I won’t be a cautionary tale. Boundaries are everything. So is having an open mind, and being willing to learn and evolve with age… 

4. Movement + Connection are Priorities. 
These are two huge whammies on my list. I don’t know about you, but I do feel that “move it or lose it” is beginning to apply here. Exercise is a gift to yourself and a big part of mental health. This is the time to move your body and enjoy the process with friends, so that you can keep up in the next part of your life. Ignore the pendulum swing of this ridiculous diet culture and go for strength. You won’t regret that.

Same for connection and real, genuine friendships. I’m at an age where I prefer fewer acquaintances and more real, raw, and unabridged relationships. It’s so refreshing to cultivate those rare friendships that are unabashedly authentic.

Re: Marriage: Someone once told me it just gets better. I’m starting to believe them, and we’re thrilled for this next chapter. I don’t want to take that for granted. 

5. This is Your Next Era. 
This is your chance to live in it fearlessly. Your children will always need you in some capacity. You’ll never stop being a mom. But it makes a bittersweet transition with them, and slowly opens up more time to pursue the little dream you’ve always wanted. What better way to live than by the example of brazenly pursuing that passion? I’ve thoroughly enjoyed building a business and growing into who we are with The Handmade Home. But this next era brings something exciting on the horizon. I can’t wait to share more as I’ve decided to chase it, wholeheartedly. 

What are some things you’ve told yourself as you’ve passed over to the “other side” with aging and birthdays? Please share! I’d love to hear. Have an inspired day!